Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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