It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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