he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize