I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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