brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think my moral compass just broke
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
