fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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