Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
