i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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