great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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