I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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