4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
