We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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