I skipped work to stalk him.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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