The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize