I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
