Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
