Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
