What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
