did you get engaged???
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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