:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
