call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You are a genius and a whore.
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