It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
