If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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