Someone shit on the floor
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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