The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
