All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
