I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
