Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
