this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
