If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
