Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
