I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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