I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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