True but thats because hes a fetus.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
