I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
