Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
