we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
