Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
