can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
