She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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