wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
