This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
