my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
