I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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