Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
