Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
