remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
