honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
