He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wish there were birth control emojis
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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