I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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