My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
