Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
