Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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