this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
