so explain again why im purple
no
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
