Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
