I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We got so high we made milksteak
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
