i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
