Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
