Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize