I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
