You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm bleeding and have questions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize