you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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