Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Randomize
