making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
