Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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