That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
