I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
