this just has baby written all over it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
