____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize