We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
