the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
