Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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