walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
