I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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