wanna go halves on a baby?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
