Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She needs sedatives and a leash
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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