take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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