Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
