I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
