i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Randomize
