I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
