lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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