There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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