Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
