im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
