Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
