I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
