I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
